Tales of the Inn The God Generals Version
by ladynadiad
Summary: A continuation of the amusing Tales of the Inn series, but with a new twist. This time it's the God Generals staying at the inn and Largo, Sync, Asch and Dist end up in a room together.


**Author's Note: T**he following characters belong to Namco Bandai, not me, even though I wish Asch were real and mine. This piece also is just merely a figment of my overactive imagination that while humorous, is not real or any part of the plot of Tales of the Abyss. This was inspired by a topic on the Gamefaqs Tales of the Abyss message board with the title Tales of the Inn, thanks Smash Fanatic for posting the great topic and giving me inspiration!

Also, due to not understanding the fact that the Tales series has skits and assuming that writing a skit should be a valid form of fanfiction for this fandom, had to do a quick rewrite of this to ensure it was not removed with the other two. Excuse the horribleness of the rewriting.

**Disclaimer: **I highly advise against reading this if you are currently eating or drinking anything. I also hold no responsibilities for any injuries that may be incurred if anyone happens to fall out of their chair laughing.

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Commandant Van and his God-Generals make their way into the village of Engeve. They had been in the area to accomplish an important mission, but the approaching dark had prevented them from returning to Daath after the mission's completion. They search out the inn, but upon entering it, they learn that Engeve Inn has only two rooms. "Since only two rooms are available, myself, Legretta, and Arietta will take one room. Sync, Asch, Largo and Dist, you take the other room. And Sync and Asch, you are not to do anything that could harm Dist, understood."

"Yes sir." Sync and Asch both said as they looked at each other sharing a look of understanding that they would be annoying Dist as much as possible this night. Of course Dist wouldn't be hurt, at least physically.

Van, Legretta and Arietta went to their room and got ready for bed. Dist, Largo, Sync and Asch went to the other room and readied themselves also.

"Sync, did you remember to bring it?" The redheaded God-General asked.

"Of course. I suspected something like this would happen." Sync answered Asch.

Largo walked up behind them. "What are you two up to? You heard the Commandant."

"Nothing.." Sync and Asch both said in unison.

Dist of course overhearing this conversation whined, "Why you! I know you are going to do something foul to me once I go to sleep! I am putting this in my revenge journal!" He then removed a book from his chair and wrote something in it. As he put it back, Sync and Asch noted the location for future reference.

"We should all get some sleep. You know the Commandant will want to rise early as usual." Largo suggested.

"Yes Daddy." Sync answered in an annoying singsong type of voice. Then all of them headed to their room.

Sync and Asch took off their uniforms and crawled into one of the beds and Largo did the same going to the other bed. Dist pushed a button on his chair and it leaned back to make a bed. Sync and Asch pretended to fall asleep while they waited on Dist falling asleep, as they knew Largo wouldn't care what they did to him as long as they followed orders.

Sync got out of bed and quietly grabbed a machine of some sort from his uniform "As promised, a recorder so we can record what Dist says in his sleep. You can make the arrangements to get it to the right people to blackmail him."

"Of course, we just have to get it to Jade the Necromancer and the rest will deal with itself. You ready then?" Asch asked his companion.

"Ready. I have been practicing for days for this one."

The two God-Generals tiptoed over to Dist and listened for a bit, Sync handed the recorder to Asch, who turned it on.

Dist rolled over in his deep sleep. "Jade….oh Jade, why can't we be friends again?" Sync and Asch both covered their mouths to stifle laughter. The man was truly obsessed.

Sync made a wonderful impression of Jade. "Of course we can be friends, Saphir."

"Jade, is that you?" The eccentric God-General answered in his sleep.

"It is," Sync answered still in his Jade-like voice.

Dist reached up to try and hug Sync who quickly backed away from his arms. _"_Oh Jade, I love you so much! I am glad we can be friends again!" In confusion about where his target was Dist then whined, "Jade? Where are you? Jade!"

Asch stopped the recorder and then he quickly grabbed the journal from where he saw Dist hide it earlier while Dist was distracted trying to find Jade in his sleep. He and Sync tiptoed back over their bed to read the journal by a small fonstone light

"So what are we going to do with it?" Sync asked.

"Erase our names of course and add a few extras and see if he notices." Asch responded.

"Let's read it first, I have always wondered what he writes in this thing."

They read the journal from the beginning, reading their entries out loud in a whisper to each other

_Damn that Sync! He got me again while sleeping with that gel of his! I had to wash my luxurious hair five times to get it all out, he must have used the whole bottle! Someday I will make sure that gel of his goes missing and his annoying pranks returned in kind. I will definitely have to work on a good glue to replace his gel with._

"I would kill him if he did that! Wait a second, that wasn't even me! You stole my gel that day, didn't you Asch?"

"And so what if I did?" Asch said with a smirk.

_That same day – And then after I woke up, I happened to see Asch on my way to wash that annoying gel of Sync's out of my luxurious hair and he had the nerve to laugh because my hair was spiked like Sync's normally is. I will have to replace his gel with glue also, once I get the glue mixed properly. Then he won't be laughing any more!_

Sync burst out laughing at this. He just couldn't help himself, the thought of Dist's hair all spiked like his was hilarious and he wished Asch had thought to take a picture.

"I couldn't help it, he slept on it, so the spikes went all over the place." Asch answered.

"Serves you right for getting me blamed for it."

"And what are you two doing?" The two pranksters heard from behind them. They then looked up to see Largo's giant figure looming over them.

"Um…" Asch started to say.

"Nothing…" Sync finished for him.

"And what is that in your hands?" Largo asked as he grabbed the journal and skimmed the entries quickly. "You two sure are in here a lot."He stopped flipping the pages a moment and stopped at one page and read it

_Largo really needs to learn how to be careful with that scythe of his! He left it laying against a wall by my beloved chair and then when Asch left the room, it fell over and ripped the cushion of my beloved chair! It took forever to fix it. Oh yes, he will find something of his broken someday, when I think of what might bother him._

"And what do you two plan to do with this?" Largo said as he closed the journal and handed it back to Sync.

"Erase our names and replace them with other names." Asch answered.

"Good idea, keep at it. Just make sure you two can get up at dawn and you don't wake Dist in the process." Largo handed the journal back to Asch and Sync and walked back to his bed and promptly fell asleep. Sync and Asch worked at erasing their names along with Largo's name from the journal, and replaced the names with Luke's along with a few random idiots under their command. Then they tiptoed over and replaced the journal where they found it.

"You know, next time we decide to do the gel bit, to him, we should use glue instead." Sync suggested.

"And glue his hair to his chair?"

"And maybe his hand to somewhere else."

"Perfect for that idiot."

Sync and Asch then take some gel and rub it into Dist's hair, taking good care to not wake him, wash the gel off their hands and then go to sleep

Morning came, and they were all awoken by Dist's screaming. "Sync! Asch! Ooh, this is going in my revenge journal once I wash my hair out!"

Dist runs into the bathroom and slams the door, Sync and Asch stifle laughter and Largo rolls his eyes at them. They all get dressed into their uniforms.

"Hey Dist! Don't take forever in there! You know Commandant Grants will be upset if we aren't ready to go when he comes for us." Sync yelled in the direction of the bathroom.

"Asch, what are you doing?" Largo called out to the redhead who was trying to get his fingers unstuck.

"Damn him!"

Laughter can be heard from the bathroom. "Got you finally Asch! Oh revenge is so sweet!"

"Sync, you might want to check yours too." Asch suggested to Sync who was still putting on his uniform.

"Nah, it's the same bottle we used on him last night. I made sure there was enough left for me to use this morning." Sync explained.

More screaming is heard from the direction of the bathroom. "My hair! It's stuck to my hands! Nooooo!!"

"Sync, I wouldn't touch that gel if I were you."

The door opened suddenly, and Van entered the room, with Arietta and Legretta._ "_I hope you four are ready to depart, but what is all the commotion in here?"

"Dist seems to have been gotten by his own form of revenge." Largo explained.

Van sighed. "What happened now?"

Asch holds left hand up to show how his fingers are stuck together

"Well, you are going to have to deal with that until we return to Daath. Sync, what about you?" Van told the redhead.

"Haven't touched the glue, Asch warned me in time." Sync told him.

"And Dist?"

"From his screaming, I assume his hands are stuck to his head." Largo answered.

"Somehow, I think it's fitting that he was caught by his own brand of revenge. Dist! Get out here right now! We are leaving! I don't care where your hands are stuck to."

"Can someone open the door?" Dist shouted.

Van opens the door, Dist comes out, both his hands are indeed stuck to his head and his hair is stuck in all directions. Arietta, Largo, Sync, and Asch bursted out laughing as Van and Legretta managed to stifle their own laughs

They all then depart, everyone who sees them either starts laughing out loud at Dist or laughs behind their hands. Dist just grumbles to himself the whole time. They eventually get back to Daath

And three days later Jade receives a package with a small fon disc and a letter. The letter reads as follows:

_Jade the Necromancer,_

_We thought you might want to be aware of Dist's true feelings towards you as he talks in his sleep. But it is a shame you and your group were not in Engeve a few days back to see him succumb to his own revenge._

"Strange, I wonder who would have sent this?" Jade mused.

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As always, reviews are greatly appreciated! Also, the entire Tales of the Inn series are one shots. It is possible that I may one day write another one, but I will not add to the current ones. I am only mentioning this because I noticed a few have added these to their alerts, which is useless since they are complete. I do not wish to get any hopes up, as humor is not my typical genre to write in, so it is rare that I get the inspiration to do it well.


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